Thursday, 30 October 2008

Tough At The Top

What's with everyone in this country being jealous of successful people, and wanting to see them fall?

Russell Brand is a funny, cool and more intelligent than most of us put together. He's just a little bit crazy and yeah he's crossed the line on a couple of occasions.

At the end of the day he's been a bit of an arsehole and he's been called on it. There's loads of people spend most of their days being arseholes but they get away with it.

But this is a guy who's made it to the top, so even though he's apologized for being a knob, which would make Jesus happy, everyone's wanting to hang him.

Yeah, we really address the important issues in this country. We are disappearing up our own arses.

Saturday, 25 October 2008

Sausage Fest

I was out in a club in Newcastle, and noticed that the dude to chick ratio was at least 5:1.

I'm glad I'm not single, that's far too much work for me.

Thursday, 23 October 2008

I'm going on a rant. (from a lads point of view)

As Mr T once said, "be somebody or be somebody's fool". In our working class society there are 2 main ways to be "somebody".

1. Coinage. Nice house, car, clothes = status
2. Bad boy. Someone not to be messed with = status

So when you reach the age of 13 you're suddenly chucked into this world of chasing status with one slight problem. You're stuck at school and can't earn much money. So there's that one out of the window.

If you're academic you realise that in the future you're probably gonna go to uni and end up with a good job. So Friday nights you're stopping in with your encyclopedia. (Future politician)

If you're not so academic but you're folks have done a good job of raising you, you'll know that you're probably just going to get a job and graft for your money. Friday nights you're kicking about the streets with your mates havin a laugh.

If you're a bit thick, school is probably a complete bore for you and the thought of reading a book outside of school is laughable. You're also goin out on a Friday to kick about the streets with your mates.

Now throw lasses into the equation. From 13 onwards this is where it gets a bit complicated socially. ( the academics and future politicians are now out of the game, they won't get with a chick until they get to uni and find one that is equally as interested in post modern art and that classical music stuff)

So you're out on the streets with you're mates, you meet up with a gang of lasses about the same age. Lads naturally slip into "impress the chicks mode". When you're older you can use your money, that usually works. At 13,14,15,16 you've got to use a different tactic. Some lads can rely on their witty banter. Others have to take the bad boy route.

Now you've got to build your reputation to impress your mates and the lasses and get talked about. "Did you hear about that lad last night? Got some fags and a bottle of cider, met up with his lass, got a bit lairy with them other lads and give them a kickin, his folks were down the pub so him and his lass went to his for a bit, then he put the phone box windows out, so the fuzz turned up and he ended up with an asbo".

There's a few lasses out there who provide the market for the bad boy image. It's a highly competitive market. Where do you draw your line? Stab someone?, shoot someone?, get a lass pregnant?, nick someones car and wrap it round a tree?

When you spent your weekends playing War Craft online instead of walking the streets with your mates with nowt better to do than tryin to impress the girls. Your answers to these problems are:

educate kids at 5 year old about sex to lower teenage pregnancy.
stick adverts on the radio about how stupid it is to carry a knife cos you might get stabbed yourself.

Yeah that'll sort it out. Now lets go to the opera.

Wednesday, 22 October 2008

What's this creeping up behind me?

It's the credit crunch! I was confident I could make it through, but the good old credit crunch is bearing down on me fast.

I bet the communists are pissing themselves!

Tuesday, 21 October 2008

Just Say No

Who needs drugs. Just work nightshift doing a mind numbing job, then get 5 hours sleep during the day. Perfect for inducing hallucinations naturally.

Sunday, 12 October 2008

Cutting It Fine

If you get an announcement into the Wear Valley Mercury about your event taking place on Saturday and the paper comes out on the Friday, then maybe that's a bit to late for people to rearrange their plans.

Friday, 10 October 2008

Working Class Heroes

The new Oasis album is genius.

Credit Crunch - No Bag Of Glue

I haven't got a bag of glue about whats going on with this credit crunch thing. Can anyone explain it to me in a credit crunch for dummies style? Is it just something we have to go through to stop people getting carried away with the old debt? The Halifax rang me yesterday offering me a quote on my mortgage when it's up for renewal next year. I was told yesterday at work that I could do whatever amount of overtime I liked for the next few weeks. I know the building trade has been hit by it, but isn't that partly because of the shit weather we've had all summer?

Its been all over the news for weeks and I'm still clueless!

Thursday, 2 October 2008

Nightshift - Creativity Killer

Working nightshift in a factory, performing soul destroying tasks when you should be in bed knocking z's out, is killing my brain!